Trusting someone is giving the chance for them to break your heart.
How to trust ?
Sunday 13 December 2009
Yearning Pain
There is something deep within my chest. Beating to the rythem of my heart. It's very very much alive && at most time, it's eating me up. From the inside-out if. You know how you have this one big wish && you just simply know that it is merely just a dream. Something that will never at all in your life, take place? And yet you just simply wish and wish with all your heart, with all your might that someday, SOMEDAY it might actually happen to you because you deserve it? Well yeah!
IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!
*OUCH!* a huge slap on the face, I know! But face the facts girl. You're just not deserving enough. And so I keep on wishing and keep on hoping. Keep on wanting something that is never meant to be my possession. It hurts. It hurts badly. Like a wound getting larger and larger from within. Bleeding away all that I could hold on to. Leaving me with nothing but an emptiness. A pain that's consistantly yearning for something alien to me. SOMETHING NOT MINE!
IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!
*OUCH!* a huge slap on the face, I know! But face the facts girl. You're just not deserving enough. And so I keep on wishing and keep on hoping. Keep on wanting something that is never meant to be my possession. It hurts. It hurts badly. Like a wound getting larger and larger from within. Bleeding away all that I could hold on to. Leaving me with nothing but an emptiness. A pain that's consistantly yearning for something alien to me. SOMETHING NOT MINE!
Heartbreaking [A letter to a 'lost' friend]
I have a friend whom I met in Primary school. Before we parted our separate ways, we used to be good friends. After that, we didn't keep in touch.
Now...
After 3 years of not seeing her, I obviously might be curious of how she is now. Despite the fact we "lost" touch years already.
I went to her blog and I saw, I saw a lot of pain.
It really breaks my heart reading her blog. I guess 3 years can really effect people in a lot of different ways. It's really heartbreaking.
To: (If you know I'm talking about you)
I don't know what your life problem is. Really. Seeing you in such a state, honestly saddens me. Because I can't really do much to help you. I really want to rescue you.
What happened? I don't understand how you could change so much.
Please don't misunderstand. I am respecting you by concealing your very identity. I am shocked. Speechless, I would put it. Why???
You are so young. Why do you feel that life is so meaningless? I may not understand everything. But. Don't you want to have fulfillment? Don't you have ambitions or dreams that can/ could take you beyond what you can/ could even comprehend?
Life may not mean happiness 24/7. I know you know that. Life is a journey. It is when we fall that we learn to rise up. It is when we taste the cup of bitterness and pain that we learn not to repeat the same mistakes. Life ISN'T meaningless. It is whether you have the guts to face this harshness of reality and dare yourself to do greater things.
Friend, the world has beaten us all with cruelty. Your OWN life is in your very hands. DON'T let it slip away. DON'T let yourself defeat yourself. Because THAT'S the ONLY thing in this world preventing you to change your future.
Honest, absolute truth: NO ONE will dive in to rescue you. IF you first don't even want to try or let people rescue you.
Being diagnosed with psychological illness, DOESN'T mean you can't overcome.
'When there's a will, there's a way'. Take out you willpower and start fighting. Don't let your life rot in the shelves by resorting to 'alco or cigs'. YOU are worth more than that. I know you can. Because hey, who's ever near perfection? Though I may "no longer" know you, but, I don't want you to treat yourself this way.
Make a stand. To me, psychological illness is just "an illusion". Fight it. Be deaf to the world or friends when they offer up negativism. The girl I used to know may not be the same exact girl now. But, the old girl with her innocence is still there.
GO M.A.D.
GO Make A Difference
In your life. In your family. In everything.
Your friend,
Jessie
I have a friend whom I met in Primary school. Before we parted our separate ways, we used to be good friends. After that, we didn't keep in touch.
Now...
After 3 years of not seeing her, I obviously might be curious of how she is now. Despite the fact we "lost" touch years already.
I went to her blog and I saw, I saw a lot of pain.
It really breaks my heart reading her blog. I guess 3 years can really effect people in a lot of different ways. It's really heartbreaking.
To: (If you know I'm talking about you)
I don't know what your life problem is. Really. Seeing you in such a state, honestly saddens me. Because I can't really do much to help you. I really want to rescue you.
What happened? I don't understand how you could change so much.
Please don't misunderstand. I am respecting you by concealing your very identity. I am shocked. Speechless, I would put it. Why???
You are so young. Why do you feel that life is so meaningless? I may not understand everything. But. Don't you want to have fulfillment? Don't you have ambitions or dreams that can/ could take you beyond what you can/ could even comprehend?
Life may not mean happiness 24/7. I know you know that. Life is a journey. It is when we fall that we learn to rise up. It is when we taste the cup of bitterness and pain that we learn not to repeat the same mistakes. Life ISN'T meaningless. It is whether you have the guts to face this harshness of reality and dare yourself to do greater things.
Friend, the world has beaten us all with cruelty. Your OWN life is in your very hands. DON'T let it slip away. DON'T let yourself defeat yourself. Because THAT'S the ONLY thing in this world preventing you to change your future.
Honest, absolute truth: NO ONE will dive in to rescue you. IF you first don't even want to try or let people rescue you.
Being diagnosed with psychological illness, DOESN'T mean you can't overcome.
'When there's a will, there's a way'. Take out you willpower and start fighting. Don't let your life rot in the shelves by resorting to 'alco or cigs'. YOU are worth more than that. I know you can. Because hey, who's ever near perfection? Though I may "no longer" know you, but, I don't want you to treat yourself this way.
Make a stand. To me, psychological illness is just "an illusion". Fight it. Be deaf to the world or friends when they offer up negativism. The girl I used to know may not be the same exact girl now. But, the old girl with her innocence is still there.
GO M.A.D.
GO Make A Difference
In your life. In your family. In everything.
Your friend,
Jessie
What!?!?! O_____O
I went to the dentist today and got an extremely uncomfortable scaling (where you get your teeth cleaned thoroughly and also polished...that's what the doctor did anyway LOL) I kept twitching every time that 'thing' (I dont know what it is LOL) was well..polishing (?) my teeth...Ughhh....@_@ It was a bit painful when it was touching my teeth gum...and it was rolling in high speed @_@
So I got bad news LOL I had a small cavity! WARGH! LOL and got my tooth filled ..another extremely uncomfortable thing to go through. If I were a kid, I'd have a phobia and called them aliens because of the light glaring at my mouth and the dentist and assistants wearing their masks LOL!
And the dentist said to brace my teeth =( And my dad maybe wants me to go through with it.....I don't mind the braces but....Couldn't they do it when I was in form 1 or 2 ? T__T If they were gonna do it anyway why not during that time? LOL but it isnt really long and it may stay for 1 year and a half or maybe shorter or longer XD So I'm hopping that it'll stay for only 1 year! 8D
Ahhh...and another bad thing happen =( DO. NOT. LAUGH. I mean it! SERIOUSLY! DONT LAUGH! I ain't gonna say it if you're laughing now... ready?....
So I got bad news LOL I had a small cavity! WARGH! LOL and got my tooth filled ..another extremely uncomfortable thing to go through. If I were a kid, I'd have a phobia and called them aliens because of the light glaring at my mouth and the dentist and assistants wearing their masks LOL!
And the dentist said to brace my teeth =( And my dad maybe wants me to go through with it.....I don't mind the braces but....Couldn't they do it when I was in form 1 or 2 ? T__T If they were gonna do it anyway why not during that time? LOL but it isnt really long and it may stay for 1 year and a half or maybe shorter or longer XD So I'm hopping that it'll stay for only 1 year! 8D
Ahhh...and another bad thing happen =( DO. NOT. LAUGH. I mean it! SERIOUSLY! DONT LAUGH! I ain't gonna say it if you're laughing now... ready?....
Now I announce You.... I'm BROKE!
Yeah you read it right. I'm broke =)
I'm in deep down trouble now. Something just happened for the 1st time in myh life and i hope/pray/beg it's the last one. It's one of my worst say. I'm in hell.
Because of that happened, i have to stop spending out any BIG cost from now onwards. I even have to borrow money from my friend. Yeah, Jessie is borrowing MONEY $$$ from her friend. Isn't that making the headline aroudn the town? Please forgive me if i refuse to hang out with you now, i'm really really REALLY do need to save money anf pay my debt. How i wish that never happened.
I regret for what i've done. My friends keep asking me to move on and look forward since i can't do anything for what just happened. I know they are trying to make me feel better and i really appreciate it. But when i close my eyes before i fall to sleep, those scenes just flash out here and there, it makes me feel worse. WHy didn't i listen to my mum?!!! If i never went out that day, everything would just maintain normal. I'll never forgot this day. 14th DEcember. Its worse than i couldnt get a ticket for Akon & Lady Gaga concert.
I'm in deep down trouble now. Something just happened for the 1st time in myh life and i hope/pray/beg it's the last one. It's one of my worst say. I'm in hell.
Because of that happened, i have to stop spending out any BIG cost from now onwards. I even have to borrow money from my friend. Yeah, Jessie is borrowing MONEY $$$ from her friend. Isn't that making the headline aroudn the town? Please forgive me if i refuse to hang out with you now, i'm really really REALLY do need to save money anf pay my debt. How i wish that never happened.
I regret for what i've done. My friends keep asking me to move on and look forward since i can't do anything for what just happened. I know they are trying to make me feel better and i really appreciate it. But when i close my eyes before i fall to sleep, those scenes just flash out here and there, it makes me feel worse. WHy didn't i listen to my mum?!!! If i never went out that day, everything would just maintain normal. I'll never forgot this day. 14th DEcember. Its worse than i couldnt get a ticket for Akon & Lady Gaga concert.
Friday 11 December 2009
I knew it would come to this one day!!!!!!
Lindsay Lohan Exposed In Threesomes For MUSE Magazine
This is what Lindsay's career has become, let's just be happy she is not doing hardcore porn yet. But photoshoots for magazines no one has ever heard of except the people who actually work there like Muse is pretty close to porn. This is awesome... If you think banging a dirty hooker in a dirty motel room while doing heroine is awesome. Why would Lindsay Lohan do this? Because she need pay for Marlboro Lights, cocaine, vodka and Red Bulls of course. Lindsay is a weird girl, When I think of the girl the hidden cam video of her in a restroom snoring cocaine and naming everyone famous guy she has fucked come to mind. She always used to come off to me as this nice girl who is playing the character we see in these pictures. But in real life I know she is a degenerates based on her insane drug abuse and promiscuous nature.
Anyway, some shots from Lindsay Lohan's Muse photoshoot have made it online and they are full of her nipples. She is seen posing nearly nude and simulating a threesome with another girl and a gay model dude. Which begs the question, can't gay models ever not look gay? Especially when they are supposed to appear straight or at least look like they enjoying touching a female. Sure the female is Lindsay Lohan and she is a mess but the dude is getting paid so he need to be professional. And speaking of professionals, how long until Lindsay does porn? The over/under has to be 12 months. First a little soft core straight to video independent movie, and then the real deal. Like these photos, she can do it in black and white and call it art. It's coming, what a freakin' train wreck this skank is turning into before our eyes. Face it, Lindsey's face was made to get painted in jizz on camera
Thursday 10 December 2009
Back on TOP!!!
I was really sulking it all yesterday. I wasn't sure. Am I really giving my best to life? I went to the gym after it became uneventful and just poured out 2 weeks of frustration and crap. I saw friends and Muay thai club and it cheered me up a bit you know. I got myself back up by saying, I can't think too much about giving up. It's gonna be there but I ain't playing with it.
Why do I keep changing my mind between surrendering or fighting back?
I can't understand myself and I can't get my life either. One day I'm down and then the next day, I'm up like nothing happened and I told myself I can do more and will do better.
It was a hard day on Monday. I literally went over the time in my presentation and it took me the full 15 minutes to just get through half-way. I thought I did it right, no splits or whatever. I don't think it was any better than the others but I guess it's all up to God now. I got faith in Him and hope I can push through for the next semester. Thankfully, we rushed some projects and got it done no problems. We lent each other laptops, helped each other print and bind our reports and it came out pretty swell.
I was wondering half way through my choice of helping lead cg next week until Leah said " Wisdom speaks".....that was that....lol, I was thinking yes anyhow and I'll get on that.
Looks like Leah, Ravi, Hannah got a lot of stuff to handle now in University. I think it's just right some of us gotta step up real soon to help them out in Church. My cg maturing really quick.
BAck on top, can't get any better than this now.
Why do I keep changing my mind between surrendering or fighting back?
I can't understand myself and I can't get my life either. One day I'm down and then the next day, I'm up like nothing happened and I told myself I can do more and will do better.
It was a hard day on Monday. I literally went over the time in my presentation and it took me the full 15 minutes to just get through half-way. I thought I did it right, no splits or whatever. I don't think it was any better than the others but I guess it's all up to God now. I got faith in Him and hope I can push through for the next semester. Thankfully, we rushed some projects and got it done no problems. We lent each other laptops, helped each other print and bind our reports and it came out pretty swell.
I was wondering half way through my choice of helping lead cg next week until Leah said " Wisdom speaks".....that was that....lol, I was thinking yes anyhow and I'll get on that.
Looks like Leah, Ravi, Hannah got a lot of stuff to handle now in University. I think it's just right some of us gotta step up real soon to help them out in Church. My cg maturing really quick.
BAck on top, can't get any better than this now.
Wednesday 9 December 2009
organice food
Is organic food really better for us or is it just a con? We take a closer look behind the label.
What is organic?
Organic agriculture is defined as a system of farming based on principles of human, animal and environmental health. At its core, organic farming is about avoiding the use of agro-chemicals to minimise damage to the environment and wildlife. But the jury's still out on whether it does the climate any good.
The concept of organic has been around for more than half a century - Walter Northbourne coined the term in Look to the Land, published in 1940. During the early to mid 1990s, the organic market really took off in the UK.
The global organic market is now worth more than £17 billion and supplied by more than 300,000 square km of certified agricultural land - an area roughly the size of Italy.
What is organic?
Organic agriculture is defined as a system of farming based on principles of human, animal and environmental health. At its core, organic farming is about avoiding the use of agro-chemicals to minimise damage to the environment and wildlife. But the jury's still out on whether it does the climate any good.
The concept of organic has been around for more than half a century - Walter Northbourne coined the term in Look to the Land, published in 1940. During the early to mid 1990s, the organic market really took off in the UK.
The global organic market is now worth more than £17 billion and supplied by more than 300,000 square km of certified agricultural land - an area roughly the size of Italy.
Maybe ToNigHT
Worse of all, i’m so lacking of sleep and the ‘best’ part of it, i have to wake up early in the morning, drag my feets and start the whole process again and again. Well, not very willing to do those shit but it’s my house. After all, 5 more days to the end and of course toward the new year, 2010.
Since i have plenty of time to spare, apart from cleaning and moving into my new environment, i do have more than ‘the world can give me’ time to surf the net and do some reading. So i spent tons of hours on youtube-ing and found this darn good singer Nicole Atkins. The song called maybe tonight…….been listening to a few days now and still loves it!
Of course listening to music is not so so effective in removing boredom. So i have also dedicated more time to spend on reading. I very much wanting to buy Malcolm Galdwell latest copy ‘ what a dog saw’. But at the same time, i’m just so unwilling to spend more than 20dollars on a book itself. So i ended reading ‘ the tipping point’, which is indeed pleasantly easy to understand and enjoyable. I should be able to finish reading it by a few hours time.
To keep myself busy, I bought a new book ‘freakonomics’. I heard it quite a popular one, but i’m not too sure what was the hype was about. In order to clear the air, …..decide to owe a copy and discover it by myself. Iffffffffffff…..it is good, i don’t really mind paying a premium above 20dollars to entitle myself to the next copy ’superfreakonomics’.
Boss told a group of us about his friends experiences in their tekong days during Christmas early morning. Somehow the experiences reminded me of my npcc days. Tent pitching, marching, scolding from officers in the mid of the night and on and on and on…… It also reminds me that i should be thankful to be in CD. LOL! …..It a month away. Truly not looking forward or fearful or sad that i going to loss my freedom or even doing any sort of countdown, writing testimonials as if the world is ending ( or maybe the world is approaching a full stop ) or whatsoever. It is going to be just another camp like what i always been doing back in my secondary school days. If you ask me now if i would like to transfer to the army instead of CD……hmmm i don’t mind because i would like to go back to my camping days in the wild again. It’s fun and unpredictable. I don’t think in 20 or 30 years time i would have the life or soul to be a camper like now. Haha, maybe i should go work as a part time in obs…..So, i don’t really understand why will some display how many days they are left form ord or blah blah blah which doesn’t seem to making any senses to me. C’mon it will be fun even in the early days are a humanless condition from what i feel.
Since i have plenty of time to spare, apart from cleaning and moving into my new environment, i do have more than ‘the world can give me’ time to surf the net and do some reading. So i spent tons of hours on youtube-ing and found this darn good singer Nicole Atkins. The song called maybe tonight…….been listening to a few days now and still loves it!
Of course listening to music is not so so effective in removing boredom. So i have also dedicated more time to spend on reading. I very much wanting to buy Malcolm Galdwell latest copy ‘ what a dog saw’. But at the same time, i’m just so unwilling to spend more than 20dollars on a book itself. So i ended reading ‘ the tipping point’, which is indeed pleasantly easy to understand and enjoyable. I should be able to finish reading it by a few hours time.
To keep myself busy, I bought a new book ‘freakonomics’. I heard it quite a popular one, but i’m not too sure what was the hype was about. In order to clear the air, …..decide to owe a copy and discover it by myself. Iffffffffffff…..it is good, i don’t really mind paying a premium above 20dollars to entitle myself to the next copy ’superfreakonomics’.
Boss told a group of us about his friends experiences in their tekong days during Christmas early morning. Somehow the experiences reminded me of my npcc days. Tent pitching, marching, scolding from officers in the mid of the night and on and on and on…… It also reminds me that i should be thankful to be in CD. LOL! …..It a month away. Truly not looking forward or fearful or sad that i going to loss my freedom or even doing any sort of countdown, writing testimonials as if the world is ending ( or maybe the world is approaching a full stop ) or whatsoever. It is going to be just another camp like what i always been doing back in my secondary school days. If you ask me now if i would like to transfer to the army instead of CD……hmmm i don’t mind because i would like to go back to my camping days in the wild again. It’s fun and unpredictable. I don’t think in 20 or 30 years time i would have the life or soul to be a camper like now. Haha, maybe i should go work as a part time in obs…..So, i don’t really understand why will some display how many days they are left form ord or blah blah blah which doesn’t seem to making any senses to me. C’mon it will be fun even in the early days are a humanless condition from what i feel.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
